04. Food for Thought: Understanding Indentity

Understanding Identity

A Perspective of Adolescent Development

By Howard Groome

“The challenge for each person who works with young people is to help them to discover for themselves the unique identity that God has for them”

What is identity?

How do you see yourself? As a strong reliable friend? A faithful partner to your husband or wife? Someone who enjoys challenges? A person who holds strongly to their beliefs? A popular person? Someone who knows how to relax and enjoy themselves? Do you feel confident in all situations or are there some in which you feel uncomfortable?

All the feelings we have about ourselves make up our identity, our unique personal signature of who we see ourselves to be. It includes our beliefs, our likes and dislikes, our attitudes to others, our sense of values and the way we feel we ought to behave.

Identity can be positive or negative. We all seek to have a positive sense of identity. Positive identity means being comfortable with who we are, satisfied with our minds and bodies and what they can do, a sense of knowing where we are going in life, of being accepted by people who are important to us, of having a strong faith which we will hold in the face of trouble and opposition. Negative identity makes us feel that we don’t have value or significance to others, and can lead to serious mental health problems.

Identity isn’t something we receive at birth, like hair colour or height. We shape our personal identity out of the experience of day to day living. While it begins in our first years of life and critically develops through childhood, it is in adolescence that some of the most important building of our identity occurs. The foundations we lay in this time will stay with us throughout adult life, even though we will probably make adjustments as our life experiences change. It is very important that adolescents develop a healthy positive identity as they mature.

As Christians we should recognise that God is deeply interested in every aspect of our being; he wants to work with us to build a strong and positive identity (read Psalm 139). Our identity is the channel though which God often comes to us; it provides the resources he can use to make our lives useful to him and to others. Workers with young people need to know and understand how identity is formed in their culture. These insights can help them assist adolescents to develop a strong sense of personal identity.

The stages in identity development

Researchers in Northern hemisphere societies have identified the following stages in the formation of personal identity. Are these true for your culture? Where are the similarities and differences?

Conformity: Young children accept without question the values of their parents and the culture in which they live. In many traditional societies this period of conformity continues on through puberty and into adulthood.

Dissonance: In early adolescence young people become aware of different values and ways of behaving. This is unavoidable today with the increasing impact of globalisation in all cultures.

Resistance: Adolescents begin to be influenced by these ‘different voices’ and begin to question the standards of their parents. They experiment with different identities modeled on the images they receive through the media. They may have multiple identities, changing them to fit in with the group they are with.

Immersion: In this stage young people can become totally absorbed by their peers and other role models. This is a dangerous stage. If they are overwhelmed by the group and lose their own individuality, they can become like puppets in the hands of others.

Introspection: They begin to question the voices which influence them and start to make decisions for themselves about how they will live. They begin to form their own unique identity.

Synergy: They select the best from all the models around them, including their parents, and arrive at their own personally satisfying set of values and behaviors, achieving a positive sense of identity and well being.

This positive sense of identity includes the following aspects:

• A sense of acceptance and belonging in a cultural and social group

• Comfort with gender and sexuality

• Comfort with body and appearance

• A strong self-concept involving having fulfilling roles and lifestyles

• A sense of competence and control over one’s life

• Belief that one can improve one’s life

• A coordinated and harmonious personality, including a faith outlook.

Achieving success in all these areas is the goal. Individuals can still lead healthy lives without success in all areas, but failure to achieve in a majority of areas can lead to a sense of negative identity or mental ill health. Let’s look at this in more detail… (see the Catalyst Forum website for the remainder of this section of the article)

Being accepted in a cultural and social group

In adolescence the values and behaviors of peers can begin to have an overwhelming dominance over the lives of both boys and girls. This is the time all of us choose who we admire and feel comfortable with and who we will hang out with. As we do so we begin to shape our lifestyle and identity. We are deciding what values we will accept and the ways in which we will behave.

But this is rarely an easy process. There are many different sets of values and behaviors in the world and adolescents are exposed to many conflicting and often painful choices. With the pervasiveness of TV, film and video young people in even remote parts of the globe are now being exposed to a wide range of alternative lifestyles. Groups within teenage cultures exert heavy pressures on their members to conform to its particular code. If the group engages in behaviors involving excessive alcohol consumption, drug abuse and sexual activity new members of the group can face major challenges to their values which they have been brought up with. They may find it hard to resist the pressures to conform. Choices have to be made between friends families, teachers, church, and the media. This is especially true in the area of sexuality and sexual behaviour.

What kinds of pressures to conform are there on the young people you work with?

Can you describe the range of values and behaviors among these young people?

Being comfortable with gender and sexuality

Achieving a positive sexual identity is one of the major goals of maturing. It is a complex process involving many aspects of everyday life, especially the forming and breaking of relationships with others. Within youthful groups there will be many different attitudes to relationships between the sexes. Not all of these will be bad. Depending on the values held by its members the group can be supportive of respect between the sexes, of virginity and sexual integrity; or hold opposing values. Many young people do have a high personal sense of morality and it is important to provide ways of support for them in this. In several places in the world young people have formed flourishing mutual support groups whose members are determined to live positive wholesome lives

A number of adolescents have issues in deciding about sexual orientation. Through puberty the growing body generates a cocktail of hormones until it achieves an appropriate balance for each individual. This can have effects on the sexual feelings of the growing adult which leads them at times to question their true gender. It is not uncommon for young people to experiment with same sex liaisons as they work though this period.

How big an issue is sexuality in the lives of the young people you know?

Is this something that they and you feel comfortable talking about?

Being comfortable with body and appearance

Body image is a basic building block of identity and especially sexual identity. Girls especially are under great pressure to conform to the current idealised feminine body image. Many feel that as their bodies change through puberty they are painfully far from this ideal. They feel unsure of themselves and how they appear to others, especially boys. To overcome their feelings of inadequacy some girls are tempted to resort to flamboyant or promiscuous behavior in the belief, usually mistaken, that this will enhance their standing with boys.

Boys may also face problems in this area. Body changes for them too may create situations of profound embarrassment. If they lack muscular strength and coordination they may face mockery and isolation.

Is this a factor in your culture?

A sense of competence and control over one’s life

Young people are vulnerable and often uncertain. They wish to be strong and independent, often they pretend that they are. However many feel deeply insecure as they negotiate their way though the processes we have been describing. Gaining the life skills one needs as an adult is often slow and painful. The consistent support and affirmation of trusted peers and sympathetic adults can be of great assistance to them.

In many societies young people of both sexes may experience sexual abuse or harassment from adults, often within the family home. The outcome of this can be very destructive as the young person feels unable to control their own life. The guilt surrounding these experiences may limit their ability to form good relationships with opposite sex peers.

There are many world cultures in which women and girls are not given full recognition as people in their own right. They are expected to be subject to men or to traditional codes of behaviour which may limit their freedom in various aspects of living, notably in opportunities to have contact with men and boys. Traditionally these codes of behavior worked because they were the only known lifestyle. However in today’s world in which the media is bringing in other competing and challenging viewpoints about male and female relationships, young people may realise that there are alternative life styles and become torn between opposing values.

Some cultures and communities attempt to compel their young people to conform to traditional values of behaviour. While there are good reasons for this it can be counter productive, driving the young people into living secret lives which can be more harmful than if things were talked about and kept out in the open.

What are the issues in this area for your young people?

Do they generally feel in control of their own lives?

How can you help those who don’t?

A strong self-concept involving fulfilling roles and lifestyles

This is closely related to the last point. We all need to achieve success in areas of life that are important to us. In today’s highly sexualised world ‘success’ is too often measured in sexual skills and prowess. This is a false picture of the real world. Young people need to discover a range of skills and interest s covering physical, emotional and mental areas of life in which they can gain success and so develop a strong self concept.

What areas are available to your young people in which to achieve success?

Belief that one can improve one’s life

This is a further step down the track of the last two points. Believing that one can improve one’s life is the hallmark of a strong identity. The foundations of such a belief often lie in a strong sense of faith. and a practical expectation that with the help of God and one’s friends one can lift oneself out of difficult and limiting situations. Associated with this is a sense of purpose, of having a meaningful career or work area lying ahead.

Do the young people you work with believe that they can improve their lives?

How can you help them to develop this assurance?

A coordinated and harmonious personality with a sound spiritual core

This is the maturity that we should pray that all of our teenage friends arrive at. It is the peaceful harbor at the end of the adolescent journey. All major conflicts are resolved. We are content with our friends of both sexes, with our sexuality, with our values and behaviors, with our levels of skill in the areas which are important to us. We feel in charge of our own life. Above all we have a strong sense of all these parts of our life being committed to God and fitting in with his plan for us as we know it at this time.

The Challenge

The challenge for each person who works with young people is to help them discover for themselves the unique identity God has for them. The Bible is full of stories of young people who made this journey and went on to do great things for God. In the Old Testament, young people like Joseph and David found fulfilling lives after painful experiences in their youth. In the New Testament, Paul – while he was not an adolescent – had to recreate his identity after his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. Later he passed on sound advice about maturing and developing a strong personal Christian identity to his young friend Timothy. The two letters he wrote to Timothy are models of the kind of guidance that older mentors can provide in a pastoral role. They contain timeless principles, both for young people growing up and for those who work with them.